Time for mom

7 unworthy things for a good enough dad

7 unworthy things for a good enough dad


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Nobody is perfect. And all happiness. Perfect people would not be able to move in a world full of absurdities, would not find themselves in the current reality and could not bring up children who, through observation, learn how to learn lessons from everyday life situations. You need to have a mum and dad of flesh and blood, not porcelain crystal statuettes. Children need life lessons as well as ... mistakes. Not only my own, but also my parents.

Sounds ridiculous?

Maybe at first glance. As usual, the devil is in the details.

We mainly learn from mistakes. Therefore, paradoxically, our parental mistakes are needed by children. They are necessary to give a signal to children that it is a human thing to be wrong. It's easy, but it also seems risky, because it tempts you to rest on your laurels ...

How to resolve this contradiction? Important is not this, whether we are wrong but how we are wrong.

It is important what lesson we learn from the mistake and how we behave in his face. It can't be conveyed in words. The child should see this. That is why no-wise today requires parents to be perfect, but to be good enough - that is, they are aware of their own limitations and do not cease their efforts to remove them. This rule applies not only to mothers, but also to fathers.

However, there are mistakes that are not allowed to be made ... No one. Here they are.

Violence

Even a good parent on impulse can happen to spank a few years old. As long as we are aware that this is not a good solution, but one of the worst and we are ashamed of what we have done - we can apologize for our behavior - I do not feel obliged to criticize the other parent. I'm trying to understand. As a mother, I know that there are different situations ...

However, there is no consent to the use of violence - psychological or physical as a permanent way of punishing children. Unfortunately, it is unacceptable to use your position to abuse the weak.

Lowering

The child needs current, committed parents. No one has the right to take their right to contact their mother or father. You have to do everything to make your toddler develop a feeling of being loved by mom and dad. However, life draws various scenarios ...

Not so rare is the physical presence combined with neglecting a child - making promises, failing to keep a word, lack of presence during important events for the child - the first match, performance, etc.

The father may be physically available, but mentally absent, immersed in his own world ... In every situation, the child suffers ...

Criticizing

Fathers often tend to criticize a child in the name of "love." Theoretically, they want good, but frequent messages like ... "why 4 instead of 5, ... this rating is poor", "you can afford more, you try not enough" repeated repeatedly undercut the wings and give rise to a sense of misunderstanding. Unfortunately, this standard of motivating by criticizing usually has an impact on the whole life of an adult child.

Disrespect

Fathers often get angry that they are not respected by their children.

The question immediately arises - do they respect them, what example do they set?

A good enough dad loves and respects his partner and children, and this sets the tone for all relationships. Teaches toddlers how to act and how to behave in different situations. Responsible fatherhood is based on mutual respect and understanding.

Going to extremes

No extreme is good - neither an authoritarian style in which "fish and children have no voice", nor too liberal, according to which children are allowed everything.

Working out your own golden mean is unfortunately not easy but it is possible. Oscillating somewhere between two poles should become a priority for every father. The child needs boundaries, but set with love and taking into account his needs and possibilities.

Mocking

A child of several years believes in every word spoken by a parent, especially the one that concerns him. That is why he is especially sensitive to his own name and "sticks his ears as soon as it rains." That is why it is shameful not so much to talk about a child about negative things in his company as if he had not heard it, but to ridicule, criticize, call a toddler stupid or lazy among the most important people for him.

A responsible father ensures healthy self-esteem. It does not make fun, but supports and motivates to endeavor.

Adult conflicts poisoning the child's world

When conflict and tensions enter between couples, children often become the biggest victims of the situation.

A responsible parent never allows a toddler to suffer from his parents 'inefficiency and never knowingly gives him worries ... He knows that children deserve peace and a sense of security and parents' problems should touch the least defenseless little ones.

After a divorce, a good father stays in the "right" relationship with his ex-wife, I respect her, is support for children, because he is aware that the breakup of a relationship does not mean automatically stop being a dad. Therefore, a responsible parent will never stop loving his children, regardless of the conditions.