How not to raise a child as a victim of fate?

How not to raise a child as a victim of fate?

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Almost every social group will find themselves "lame duck". Why? Because of certain character traits that make a person easier to use or maybe educational methods shaping character from the first days of life? It turns out that it is very important parents' attitude. The atmosphere at home and mistakes we have if dad can influence the education in the child personality of the victim. The question is obvious, how not to raise a child as a victim of fate?

Education for the sacrifice of fate - overprotection

Almost all of us have come into contact with a person rejected by peers. For example, in school times, when one of the children was teased, laughed at, mocked. When one looks at such a rejected individual, the uncomfortable conclusion that the child "teases" teases itself very quickly. You can be outraged, disagree and pass all the blame on the aggressors, but it turns out the victim's attitude is of great importance. And other children in the same peer group usually aptly say it, saying "he allows himself". Where does it come from

The problem begins at the scapegoat's family home.

We often talk about bringing up fate. What does that actually mean? How is the victim of fate brought up?

The answer is not easy.

Certainly an important risk factor is over-zeal and overprotection, or not allowing the child to be independent and do most of the work for them. For various reasons, a parent relieves a child by reaching such extreme attitudes that he cannot perform even a fraction of the tasks his peers can cope with.

However, this is not the worst ...

A child for whom the majority of activities are done in good faith (!) Receives a message, that it is useless, that the parent does not believe in him, that in the end it is not good enough. An overzealous mother does not have to say directly: "no, give me I will do it", that's enough her consistent attitude and behavior. Contrary to appearances, the child quickly draws conclusions.

As a consequence, he becomes insecure, lost, lives with a sense of low value. He does not take risks, does not take new actions, is afraid of failure, panics in case of minor stumbles ...

Raising a fate - a lack of appreciation

For a child whose parents do not give a chance to prove themselves, it is very difficult to positively surprise the surroundings. As a consequence, such a toddler is rare receives real words of praise. There is no chance to feel really proud.

Perhaps the parent will shout "applause" or "great", but for the child these are empty messages, because in their heart they know that there is no real reason to be delighted. If a few years old is not able to face a difficult situation and solve it, he will not feel the power arising from the discovery that "I can" and "I can", "I will manage." Proposal? He stops believing in himself. And if the child does not believe in himself, the environment also does not see him as valuable.

Education for the sacrifice of fate - what do you say when a child cannot hear

There is another problem.

We can praise the child, motivate them, but if we think of our daughter or son that they are "weak", "average", this is what we send a message. The child is a skilled observer, adapts very quickly to our wishes. This is why all the "patches" that we stick are so dangerous.

A normal four-year-old who is disobedient when he constantly hears that he is "rude" will cause more and more problems. If he sees that his parents don't believe in him, he won't even try. Because even if my mother sees me as a rascal or lazy, I probably am, I have to deal with it. I can not help it.

Education as a victim of fate - can your child say no

Many experts today say that "not to raise children", but to build relationships with them, this raises the opposition of all those who watch less and less disciplined children who are lost in the modern world. According to many psychologists, the key to success is, as always, maintaining healthy restraint between giving a child the opportunity to express himself and to follow the rules that govern society.

A good example is here assertiveness that the parent should learn and should be shared with the child. A son or daughter will never become a victim of fate, a greedy morsel for aggressive colleagues, if they are able to loudly and firmly defend their rights. And this they must learn ... at home. This is difficult in families where children and fish have no voice, and in those in which mom or dad are themselves the victims of fate, in particular in dysfunctional families.

Education for the sacrifice of fate - let yourself be defended

They often become so-called victims of fate in schools sensitive children, raised in homes where all violence was banned, it was impossible to beat, bite, kick, etc. On the one hand, an exemplary situation, an example that should be praised loudly, on the other lurking danger. When the child leaves the safe home marina and begins to face ruthless peers, the problem begins.

A few-year-old met in school often doesn't get rational arguments, you have to use your fist, whether you like it or not. A child who defends himself and does not become surprised that another person just hit them will most likely not become a scapegoat. That's why we teach a child that they express their opinion and defend their arguments, to be able to speak. Being "polite" at all costs and sitting quietly is a simple way to lose confidence. The "victim of fate" patch sticks very quickly and is extremely difficult to tear.

Being a scapegoat is also dangerous because a person who experiences aggression often becomes the perpetrator himself.

In each social group there is a hierarchy and a test of strength when the new group is formed - leaders, neutral people and those with whom they are emerging appear. Violent, but unfortunately true. It is worth remembering when we send a child to kindergarten, school or playground.