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Children represent innocence, naivety, and kindness. Of course! But, it is undeniable that many children use manipulation, with the people around them, to get their way. We are born with a clean slate in our head on which we build according to our experiences and learnings throughout our lives.
Children are not born manipulative but learn that manipulation is a powerful tool to get what they want and they put it into practice when they see fit.
It is possible that the child has learned to use manipulation because he has observed this type of behavior in someone in his environment. Be careful, adults also use manipulation frequently!
Usually what happens is that children learn that manipulation can be a useful tool for them by pure chance. Here is a simple example:
- The boy asks his mother to buy him a lollipop and his mother says NO.
- The child begins to cry and insist that his mother buy him the lollipop but his mother says NO again.
- The child raises his level of aggressiveness. In addition to crying, he begins to scream and kick. His mother continues to say NO.
- The child raises his level of aggressiveness even more. Cries, yells, kicks, insults, and starts throwing grocery items away. The mother finally gets very nervous, gets angry and decides to buy the lollipop to put an end to the situation that has been generated in the supermarket.
ERROR! This time the boy has been increasing his level of aggressiveness to see if his mother would give in and buy him his lollipop. And so it has been. What happens then? Well, very simple, the child has learned that every time he wants to achieve something he only has to increase his aggressiveness to finally achieve it. As he has managed to get away with this strategy, he incorporates it into his repertoire to be able to use it in future similar situations.
- The most important thing, when the child uses this type of manipulative behavior, is that the parents do not give in to them. They must learn that manipulation will not make any profit.. But, for this, parents must control their emotions and not allow the child to obtain anything in these ways.
- Instead of getting angry and losing our cool about our child's behavior, we must remain calm. It is necessary that the child perceives that he has not been able to emotionally destabilize his parents, we must be firm in the position of not giving in to their manipulation.
- The child has to learn that with those behaviors you will not receive anything, not even the attention of their parents. We should only assist and contact them when their inappropriate behavior has stopped.
- We cannot forget that the two fundamental ingredients to raise and educate our children successfully are discipline and love. Both must be balanced. Discipline is necessary! Not giving in to their attempts at manipulation is one of the best gifts we can give our children.
Finally, we encourage you to try to answer these questions: Where does it usually behave like this? Who do you usually do it with? What do you do to manipulate? Sure after answering these questions you will obtain a lot of information and it will help you to effectively manage manipulative behaviors of your son.
You can read more articles similar to Manipulative children. How to correct your behavior, in the category of Conduct on site.